3/30/2006

Shuffling

Shuffling between home and hostel can be a real problem at times.
Reason- You don't adjust your language accordingly.

There have been numerous instances when I just don't realize that I'm at home, and end up speaking just like I do in the hostel. Or just avoid doing so.

Some of the instances I can recollect :

1) When I'm busy mugging

My sister (In 8th std) : Bhaiya, what do you do when someone says 'You're irritating me' continuously and thus irritates you in the process?

Me: Uh..? What?

Sis : Repeats the question

Me (Getting pained) : Show them your middle finger

Sis: Show them whaat?

Me: Oh! Umm.Your index finger, asking him or her to move away.
Shit!


2) When I'm speaking to my friend in the hostel on the phone the day before quiz
:

Me: Macha, what all are there to mug da?

Friend : Rolls out a big list

Me : Shit da. Denge denge denge denge denge!

After I keep the phone down,

My mom : You could have said that a couple of times more.


3) One more phone incident. It was Sania I think. I was having the cordless and was walking about. Guests had come home, 4 of them sitting in the hall. I happened to go to the hall just at the wrong moment.

Sania: How's power amplifier da?

Me(Excitedly and loudly) : Total rape. Everyone will get raped. Surely.

All eyes towards me. I freeze.


4) This is one of the worstmax possible. Anybody who's seen AliG's Cannes Po** Festival will empathize with me.

Me (Sitting on the comp talking to myself) : Can you maaastharbaete? Can you maaaastharbaete? Can you maaastharbaete? Can you maaastharbaete?
(AliG style)

My dad(thinking I'm singing a song) : What sort of a song is this?

Me : Oh, this? Some rap song. Even I don't like it.

Oh shit! Shit! Shit! This is home!


5) And of course, I seem to have taught my sis quite a bit unknowingly. The other day, she was having a conversation with her friend on the phone.

Her friend : Said something which I obviously didn't hear.

My sis : Cock up.

Me(Sitting on the sofa wasting time) : Wtf?!

Later, I call her and ask her - How did you learn that?

She : You only taught me. You told me 'cock up' last week when I was telling you how my teacher praised me.

Me: NO! You're not supposed to use these things for at least...umm..3 years.

She : Cock up.(Just to irritate me)

She ran. Of course I chased her down and made sure she didn't repeat this.


3/21/2006

Wooof

Things in life never go the way you expect them to. In fact, I feel they go just the opposite way.

Within a matter of 48 hours, I've got myself a summer project at IISc with a prof of International repute, that too in an area which is very interesting, and which I've started loving, Synthesis. (The evil muggo would perhaps beg to differ).

Now, such a prof getting impressed by just your resume and taking you, leads to :

1) Extreme happiness, almost making you forget that there's a quiz the next day.
2) Extreme boasting, as I'm doing now.

Will write a post sometime later regarding this, the damn quizzes are on.

3/19/2006

Mechanica 2006

Mechanica 2006 is happening on 1st and 2nd April. It's the annual fest of the Department of Mechanical Engineering at IIT Madras. I'm organizing this event here. Also, the article I wrote for Chennai Online can be found here : Mechanica 2006

So, please tell all your friends !

Cash prizes upto 2 lakhs to be won!
And travel reimbursement for all design contest finalists!

And here's to the Evil Muggo, who became a core member of Shaastra 2006! One of the rare occasions in IITM history a second yearite's becoming a core. Way to go !

3/14/2006

Mail Forwards

Now, who likes them? Please tell me. Especially the ones which haplessly attempt to thrust bad luck. The shocking part being that some come from 20 year olds. It makes me want to jump out of my skin and slap the person who started it(The only other thing that makes me want to do so is a line of a tamil song ' Oh my Kadavule'). I mean, why don't people stop sending these forwards that don't mean a shit.

If you don't send this to 10 persons within 5 hours, you'll lose your love.
If you don't send this at least to 20 persons, you'll lose your job.

What crap.

My only act of guilt was 10 days back, when I thought of doing it once. Just once. Never in my life have I forwarded such stuff. And the mail I forwarded said ' If you send this to 5 people in the next 12 hours, you'll have good luck for your entire life'. Exactly 12 hours later, I found my name on the attendance shortage list in D slot, that too by chance. My personal vengeance thus adding to this, I'm creating a mail forward message:

If you do not send this mail to atleast 10 persons:

If you're a man, you'll become a woman. Vice versa. Your legs and hands will exchange places. Your genitals will be auctioned for 123 cents. Scorpions will bite you all over and you'll swell up and become a hot air balloon. You'll be a termite in your next life. You'll start pissing only Antimony Hydroxide. Your son will be Miss World. You'll be sent to prison for a year with only a photo of Mayawati in your cell. You'll marry Yokozuna. You'll also get to sleep with Vitto. And of course you'll be cast, forged, rolled, shaped and melted just before you die.

If you send this to 10 persons :

If you're a man, you'll stay so. If you're a woman, you might turn into a man. Men will get to sleep with JLo, Laetitia Casta, Gisele Bundchen, and Salma Hayek on the same night. Women will get a new Jupiter silk pillow to sleep with. You'll be George Bush 123rd in your next life. Your son will be JEE AIR 1 when he's 1 month old. You'll piss Pepsi. You'll hence become a millionare. You'll get the Nobel Prize for discovering a new planet when you're high on Vodka. Your son will marry Karunanidhi's granddaughter. Your daughter will marry Jayalalita's grandson. And of course you'll be sleeping when you realize you're actually dead.


Copyright Product of CB. Whoever wants to forward this must pay CB 123 rupees.

3/12/2006

Man, what a day!

Now, today's match was just what I would call cricket.
Amazing. Glorious. Exceptional. Magnificent. Outstanding. Pathbreaking. Shattering. Mindblowing. Phenomenal. Flabbergasting.
Call it what you want. I'm lost.

Today's a landmark day. 2 reasons.
1. South Africa monstrously chased down 434 in an ODI equally monstrously made by Australia.
2. First time in life, I nearly pissed following a match on the comp(Rediff to be precise).

How many times in your life do you get to see this scorecard -


Player Runs Balls 4's 6's S.R
Australia 434-4 (50) Runs Balls 4s 6s SR
A Gilchrist c Hall b Telemachus 55 44 9 0 125.00
S Katich c Telemachus b Ntini 79 90 9 1 87.78
*R Ponting c Dippenaar b Telemachus 164 105 13 9 156.19
M Hussey c Ntini b Hall 81 51 9 3 158.82
A Symonds not out 27 13 3 1 207.69
B Lee not out 9 7 0 0 128.57
D Martyn






M Clarke






N Bracken






S Clark






M Lewis






B Hogg(SS)






Extras: 19 ( b:0 lb:4 nb:10 w:5)
Total: 434-4 (50) | Curr. RR: 8.68

FOW: A Gilchrist (97-1, 15.2), S Katich (216-2, 30.3), M Hussey (374-3, 46.1), *R Ponting (407-4, 47.4)

South Africa O M R W Nb Wd RPO
M Ntini 9 0 80 1 0 1 8.89
A Hall 10 0 80 1 2 0 8.00
J Wath 10 0 76 0 1 1 7.60
R Telemachus 10 1 87 2 7 3 8.70
*G Smith 4 0 29 0 0 0 7.25
J Kallis 6 0 70 0 0 0 11.67
J Kemp 1 0 8 0 0 0 8.00

South Africa team: M Ntini, A Hall , J Wath, R Telemachus, *G Smith, J Kallis, J Kemp , B Dippenaar , A Villiers, H Gibbs, M Boucher, J Peterson(SS)

Powerplay 1: 1-10 ovs, 2: 11-15 ovs, 3: 16-20 ovs




In reply, South Africa's


Player Runs Balls 4's 6's S.R

South Africa 438-9 (49.5) Runs Balls 4s 6s SR
*G Smith c Hussey b Clarke 90 55 13 2 163.64
B Dippenaar b Bracken 1 7 0 0 14.29
H Gibbs c Lee b Symonds 175 111 21 7 157.66
A Villiers c Clarke b Bracken 14 20 1 0 70.00
J Kallis c and b Symonds 20 21 1 0 95.24
M Boucher not out 50 43 4 0 116.28
J Kemp c Martyn b Bracken 13 17 0 0 76.47
J Wath c Ponting b Bracken 35 18 1 3 194.44
R Telemachus c Hussey b Bracken 12 6 2 0 200.00
A Hall c Clarke b Lee 7 4 1 0 175.00
M Ntini not out 1 1 0 0 100.00
J Peterson(SS)






Extras: 20 ( b:4 lb:8 nb:4 w:4)
Total: 438-9 (49.5) | Curr. RR: 8.79

FOW: B Dippenaar (3-1, 1.2), *G Smith (190-2, 22.1), A Villiers (284-3, 30.5), H Gibbs (299-4, 31.5), J Kallis (327-5, 37.4), J Kemp (355-6, 42.1), J Wath (399-7, 46.3), R Telemachus (423-8, 48.2), A Hall (433-9, 49.3)

Australia O M R W Nb Wd RPO
B Lee 7.5 0 68 1 3 1 8.68
N Bracken 10 0 67 5 0 0 6.70
S Clark 6 0 54 0 0 0 9.00
M Lewis 10 0 113 0 1 1 11.30
A Symonds 9 0 75 2 0 0 8.33
M Clarke 7 0 49 1 0 0 7.00

Australia team: B Lee, N Bracken, S Clark, M Lewis, A Symonds, M Clarke, B Hogg(SS), D Martyn, M Hussey, S Katich, A Gilchrist, *R Ponting

Powerplay 1: 1-10 ovs, 2: 11-15 ovs, 3: 24-28 ovs

Super sub: SA won by 1 wkt


Just have a look at the Strike Rate column in both. What more does one want..! Right now, my hands are jittery even to write a long post. So, I can best summarize the match ending with the chat session I had with PG, who also happened to follow the match on the comp.


Karthik Narayanan: What the fuck is happening in cricket man..?!

9:08 PM Deepu: something very interesting, for sure..

Karthik: macha..
don't you watch criclet
ket

9:09 PM
Deepu: i'm following the match
on the comp

Karthik: fuckin shit da.!

Deepu: yup

Karthik: what the fuck.
look at how they're hitting

Deepu: too much stuff to take
d-day for cricket history

Karthik: ya..

Deepu: 800 runs in a day !!!

Karthik: even these guys are crossing 400
packax only.
studmax.
gibbs..what level da.

Deepu: prev highest score was 398 by pak, rt?

Karthik: no..lanka

Deepu: ok.. it was 398?

Karthik: ya

Deepu: SA is getting close to reaching that, at least

Karthik: ya..
surely

Deepu: 398, da...
they made it

Karthik: yey!!

Deepu: 399
man.. this is going somewhere...

Karthik: ya da..studmax..

Deepu: shit.. wicket

Karthik: ya..fuck
fuck
fuck

Deepu: they crossed it da....

Karthik: ya
411

Deepu: man.. this is too much...

Karthik: 415
fuck
fuck
Deepu: 6-6-4

Karthik: which over are you talkin about
?

Deepu: fuck.. what if they actually win?
the jump in scors,da..

Karthik: oh..k..wait
lets see.

Deepu: which site r u using?

Karthik: rediff

Deepu: rediff cupped for me...

Karthik: even here''now it's cupping

Deepu: i'm using sify now.. but it's too slow

Karthik: 418
need 17 from 13
fuck
fuck!

Deepu: shit ,da
making the highest runs ever and losing would be too much for aus

Karthik: ya..!
sexy man
lets wait

Deepu: yup

Karthik: keeping fingers crossed

Deepu: hmm.. who would u bet on? ;)

Karthik: aus da.
this has happened before
world cup

Deepu: man.. i just love SA

Karthik: i croed
cried
fuck

Deepu: 422

Karthik: 423

Deepu: 2 overs to go

Karthik: need 12 off 11
!!!!

Deepu: so.. 13 off 12

Karthik: no..12 of 11
tats what espnstar says

Deepu: ok... maybe i'm not having the latest..
yup..

Karthik: macha..this is something da.

Deepu: not just something..
everything in cricket is happenning there now...

Karthik: fuck
wicket

Deepu: shit
another wicket

Karthik: ayyo..
lets wait

Deepu: yup

Karthik: 9 of 8.
dan
damn

Deepu: macha u make 434 and then having to struggle to win !!!! never in the history of cricket has anything like this happenned...

Karthik: ya..i know..
this is cricket man

Deepu: shit

Karthik: world's best 2 teams
fighting it out
i love it
7 of last over
fuck fuck fuck!!!
fuck!

Deepu: wow

Karthik: i'm getting goosebumps da.
fuck

Deepu: heehee
just a 6 to tie it....

Karthik: ya!!

Deepu: it's gonna be tough for aus..

Karthik: hope they win man
lets see
same thing happend in world cup
semifinal
they needed 1 of 1

Deepu: ya

Karthik: and they lost

Deepu: sa lost it, na

Karthik: ya

Deepu: i mean tie,

Karthik: 6 of 5.

Deepu: but sa was kicked out

Karthik: ya ya
corrrect

Deepu: k

Karthik: 6 of 5.

Deepu: something happenned

Karthik: what.?
wicket maybe

Deepu: i hear shouts from comm room

Karthik: fuck
i think they won
sa won is it??

Deepu: lemme see
any info?

Karthik: no da.

Deepu: 2 off 4

Karthik: some probem
2 of 4..!!
they need 2 of 4..1
!

Deepu: man !!!
fuck man.. what a score to chase

Karthik: fuck da..
this is seriously god level..

Deepu: ob
more shouts
looks like they won...

Karthik: they won is it.?
no..!!
fuck
fuck it.
wicket!

Deepu: looks like that....

Karthik: damn..fuck it

Deepu: oh shit

Karthik: fuck

Deepu: fuck man !!
that's all that was needed
more shouts

Karthik: 2 of 3.

Deepu: what now

Karthik: 2 of 3.
whats happening
tie..1
tie!!
tie!!
1 of 2..!

Deepu: fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
too much

Karthik: 1 of 2!!
fuck
fuck

Deepu: holy shit !!

Karthik: wait.
what happnd
tell me when you hear shouts.

Deepu: dunno

Karthik: tehy won!!
won!!
fuck

Deepu: yup

Karthik: They fucking won!!
yey!!

Deepu: 4 in last ball

Karthik: yey!!
fuckax!

Deepu: macha..............

Karthik: yey man!!

Deepu: too much

Karthik: gawdd level
toooo much'
shit.
i gotto piss.

Deepu: holy shit

Karthik: this was something unimaginab;e
goddammit
i love this

Deepu: highest chasing total !!!!!

Karthik: ya..!
fuck..! oh god.
chalo..nice match chatting we had
:D
good nite..

Deepu: g'nite da...

Karthik: nite!

The spirit of cricket captured.

3/09/2006

Lampooning - One more

You can perhaps read this if you havn't already.

Ms D
She's continuing from where Mr D left. She too has a lot of credentials. She's in the Guinness Book of Records for being the only human to mug Ogata and recite it in reverse. She holds another record for the 'Fastest Speaker' when she read out the entire Bible in one hour flat. She's the first Indian Professor to detect proxies by measuring time lag, and relating it with confidence of the answer. She's also the first human victim of fatigue loading. Infact, spectroscopy samples of her ball and socket joint are being used to teach fatigue loading effects at MIT.
She believes that the answer to Universe, Life and Everything is a Laplace Transform. The most famous statement of her being ' If the function G(S) under consideration is a rational function of S, then the total number of poles is equal to number of zeroes counting the multiple order poles and zeroes if the poles and zeroes at infinity and at zero are taken into account', which caused rearrangement of a few neurons in students, who had to be admitted to the Taramani International Medical Institute. She almost lost her job when she said something like Van't Hoff discovered Photoelectric Efffect.

3/05/2006

Pained

The greatest weak point in me of late is my arrogant decision making. It was a fine morning in November, when my good friend P approached me telling me about this for summer internship to be held here. I as usual, thought about it for 5 odd minutes, called up the evil muggu and discussed, immediately told P that as anyways I was aiming for an MBA, it served no purpose to do a research intern there, so I would probably do it in some company. But after 3 months, I got a feedback that interns in companies are all name sake. And you learn hajjar more if you're working under a prof, in which case IISc would have been indispensable. And today the list came out. P obviously got through, he's a maths GOD. 2 others, M and K who applied from Mech got through. Which means I would have peacefully got through had I applied. Duh. I should probably think twice before making any decision. Also, a lesson learnt - Apply for every damn thing. Do not choose while applying.

On a lighter note, today was the umpteenth time the barber told me to 'lower myself and sit' while having a haircut, as I'm apparently too tall. I jus got so pissed, I piled up all my anger and told him ' Sir, the distance between my 'bottom' and head is fixed. As I'm not an ape, and can sit only on my 'bottom', I cannot lower myself and sit. Please understand'. Duh.