Lampooning

Yes. Thats what this post basically aims to do. I would go through a few aspects and details of my profs this sem, exposing many of their great achievements, which have remained in the dark for so many years. A few of my Mech classmates demanded some entertainment, and this is all I can do. Others can nevertheless be imaginative enough to create images of profs in mind.

Lets start on!

1) Ms A

Why she still calls herself Ms remains an unsolved puzzle. Infact, the HOD of our maths department is considering to publish this as an apparent paradox, and as a million dollar problem. Also, she claims that she is the only woman to have understood Einstein's Space Time relations. Sadly, nobody pays any heed to her claim because she thinks that this theory implies that you shouldn't waste time in class. She has also won the 'Fastest Indian speaker' award. Otherwise, a pretty normal lady.
Maa'm, if you by any chance are reading this, it's just for fun.... Kidding.



2) Dr B

Here is the big man himself. He is a renowned person in Vibrations and Machine noise control. His trick to have got him this famous is that machines stop making noise when he's around. To put it simply, they sleep. Now why they sleep when he's around still remains a hot topic of research, especially at Cornell. Infact, several pharma companies have sued him for allegedly reducing their market production and sales of sedatives. He still faces several charges on ' Attempted murder by monotone voice control'. His Phd thesis titled ' Going through the exercise of a 5 dimensional Grashoff mechanism with 1 link fixed, nothin fancy about it' was world famous. Also, he's the heaviest professor alive, and has a bad reputation of having broken 742 benches in Class room complex alone. Owing to the same reason, he cannot take even 2 continuous classes as his legs fail him.
Sir, if you by any chance are reading this, it's just for fun. You're a stud.



3) Dr C

God of all gods. Recently conferred the title of 'Concept King' by the Royal British Association of Old Fluid engineers. This man holds many many records and distinctions. He holds the IITM record for having breathed most of its air, for 45 years. He also holds the IITM record for the maximum number of years taken to do a Phd-21. He believes that the answer to universe, life and everything is Dimensional Analysis. Infact, his Phd thesis titled ' Dimensional Analysis of Boundary layer theory for viscous fluids, in other words, taking into account the Taylor series, or something like that' remains a classic in all of viscous flow theory. He is also credited with the 'Indian with the highest Erdos number' tag, close to infinity, which basically means that all his papers are fraud. He is also the only Indian to have run a marathon through 69 countries, publicizing the Boundary Layer theory. He is also the recipient of the prestigious Lehmann Brothers poetry award for the one liner ' This y is not the same as that y, that is why'. His belief that 'No paradox has a solution' nearly cost him his job, when he uttered it at an International Conference. 'All quantities increase in the positive direction of axes' is one among his many beliefs well known in the scientific community. He is also the propagator of his Bluff philosophy- If you don't know an answer, bluff it.
Sir, if are by any chance reading this....No, that won't happen. Because I'm pretty sure you don't know how to operate a comp.


4) Dr D

He was initially suspected to be a Japanese refugee in India, until recently, when it was known that he's actually a visiting prof from Tokyo. Apparently, he was denied a visa from Tokyo, because the official's details and the voice did not match in the telephonic interview. Only when they reached his home did they know that he was actually a guy. He is also the recipient of the prestigious ' IIT student's sympathy' award for having made a statement that proxy will hurt the sentiment of the other guy. Otherwise very nice.
Sir, if you're reading this, kuosowhaahaahwikoi. (I hope that's something in japanese)



5) Dr F

He supposedly ran out of Nimhans. Was admitted for ' Chronic urge to take classes ' by the IITM elec department. He is of the belief that the answer to universe, life and everything is Analog circuits. He also has wordly knowledge. Citing an example, 'Consider Volleyball, where the players put the ball into the basket'. He treats other departments, especially Mech, close to how he treats his Ambassador. He's the first prof in IITM who is known for blatantly refusing to do research. He was the main reason why the slot system came about in IIT, imposing a maximum limit on the number of classes in a week. Many students have had their hands come out separately because of excessive writing. He is also the reason why the number of piles' cases in students doubled a few years back.Anyways, GOD.
Sir, in case you're reading this, Mech rules.


6) Dr G.

He is known more commonly by the name Sloth LV.. His belief that 'The slower you talk, better the students understand' won him critical acclaim all over the world. He is credited with the tag of the 'First Indian to use Powerpoint in Mantech, unsuccessfully'. He believes that the answer to universe, life and everything is Sand Casting. There are rumours that he's been stopped from presenting conference papers because the Russians get irritated and throw abuses at him. What he's concluded from Einstein's space time relations is that time can always be got back, provided you conserve energy by bunking your own classes.
Sir, if you're reading this, Mantech sucks.


Hmm..thats about it. More to come later, perhaps.

This is all a joke. Please don't take it seriously.